Maximizing Marriage is a website run by the husband and wife tandem of Sebs and Gracier Yu. Their goal is to equip young couples to have a God-honoring and fulfilling marriage through seminars, coaching, counseling, etc. If you’d like to know more about their ministry, visit their website maximizingmarriage.com or their Facebook page. Here’s their review of one of OMF Lit’s licensed titles, Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married by best-selling author Dr. Gary Chapman
Upon leaving the OMF Boni Bookshop, I immediately picked out Gary Chapman’s book, “Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married” – a catchy title indeed! Hehe.
In this book, Gary lists down 12 things he wished he had known before he got married.
Among these include:
– that being in love is not enough to make a successful marriage
– that romantic love has two stages (and how to make the transition)
– that mutual sexual fulfillment is not automatic
– that personality profoundly affects behavior
The last one immediately caught my attention as it is timely and relevant with my current experience. Many conflicts in marriage arise out of personality differences. In this chapter, Gary lists down 7 completely opposite personality tendencies which can drive couples crazy.
The following are the 3 which are most meaningful to me:
1) Half-Full vs. Half-Empty (Or Optimistic vs. Pessimistic)
2) Passives vs. Aggressives
3) The Organizer vs. The Free Spirit (Or Organizer vs. Spontaneous)
I’m more optimistic while my wife is more pessimistic. I’m passive while she is more aggressive. In many instances, she is more organized while I’m free-spirited. The important thing to note here is that no personality is superior over the other. If you’re optimistic, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re better than your partner. You will think and feel that you’re better, but the reality is, you’re not. In fact, your pessimist partner also thinks and feels that he or she is better than you are.
They’re There For Good
Another thing that Mr. Gary Chapman keeps on repeating is that these personality tendencies are there for good. A passive husband will remain a passive husband whether you like it or not. A free-spirited wife will always be free-spirited for the rest of her life. These are realities that we must learn to accept. Wives, accept that you married an overly-aggressive husband. Husbands, accept that you are married to a super-organized wife.
Gary Chapman says in conclusion, “If you try to force each other into your own personality mold, you may spend a lifetime in conflict.” Realize that you can’t change him or her. But of course, you can negotiate some middle ground though. For example, if you’re going on a vacation, the organizer can tell the free-spirited which activities are non-negotiables and then give the free-spirited some room for him or her to be spontaneous.
This chapter alone is super useful for me. I can’t wait to learn the other 11 things that Gary Chapman has to share. So I encourage you to go to the nearest OMF Lit Bookshop and get a copy of “Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married” by Gary Chapman.
For the rest of the review, click here
In Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married, best-selling author Dr. Gary Chapman (The 5 Love Languages, The Family You’ve Always Wanted) shares what he and the couples he has counseled over the years learned from experience.
The book also contains practical tips and discussion/talking points that you can share with your partner and honestly share your thoughts and feelings and find workable solutions to your differences.
Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married is available at all OMF Lit Bookshops nationwide for only P225
Other books by Gary Chapman: